I cry, I'm Cry
by Bug-The-Thug
Summary: Cry changed everything for his fans, he just wanted to see them smile, but that meant losing friends, like PewDiePie, but after an accident Cry needs to make amends with Felix, even if his fans don't like it.
1. Chapter 1

I Cry, I'm Cry

A lot has happened recently, and none of it has been good, I've lost contact with so many people I care about, all because I wanted to make people smile. All I had cared about was my subscribers, not the number, but the actual people. I was so busy worrying about how they would think of me that I lost who I was, but they were happy and that's what I wanted, or at least that's what I thought I wanted.

The only thing that never has and never will change is my mask, I won't show my face on camera, my mask, my face, is the only thing I've kept from changing, it's all I have left of myself, it's my anchor, it keeps me in place, the only thing left of my old life.

People around and close to me saw me change, they began to think of me as just another Youtuber, obsessed over a number, but I wasn't I was obsessed with seeing a smile from people I barely knew, but knew me. I dedicated everything to them, I changed everything, the games I played, the way I spoke, the people I played games with… I wish I hadn't done that.

I still care about my subscribers, but there was someone I cared about more, and I ruined our relationship. He was the most popular Youtuber, and the most handsome, but with positive fans, comes negative fans. Those fans kept telling me to stop playing games with him, to stop visiting him, to stop talking to him, and I did, I regret it every day.

I had always held Felix close to me, he was my best friend, my bro. I miss him more than ever now, it feels so lonely, whenever I go online on skype everyone clicks there status to be do not disturb, or just go offline. No one picks up their phone anymore, I can't reach out to anyone, and no one wants me in their life anymore.

I was sick of being lonely, I was sick of being exactly what people wanted instead of being myself. I picked up my phone, I began to dial Felix's number, but I couldn't bring myself to press call, what would I even say, what would **HE** say. I sat there for what seemed like hours debating what to do, then I pressed the home button. I yelled in anger and threw my phone across the room, tears starting to form in my eyes, I hated this so much.

I stood up and walked over to my phone picking it up I could see one large crack down the middle, I sighed and laid down on my cat hair covered carpet. I heard some beeps coming from my computer, too lazy to stand up I rolled my way to the desk and pulled myself up using the chair for support.

I looked at almost all my open windows but I couldn't figure out what the beeping noise was, I knew I had heard it before, but I didn't know where. The beep came again, then a skype message popped up in the corner of my screen. I stared at it in awe, I hadn't received any messages in what seemed like forever. I hurriedly clicked on it, it came from someone I hadn't ever really talked to, but was still imortan to me, Marzia.

 _Cry, can we talk?_

 _Cry? Please, I can see that you're online._

 _I really need to tell you something. About Felix._


	2. Chapter 2

_I really need to tell you something. About Felix._

I just sat there, staring at my screen, why Felix… why **ME?** My fingers shook as I pressed them against the key board. What was I supposed to say, I hadn't talked to my old friends in forever, even if I didn't really know her that well, Felix was my friend so I had considered her a friend to.

 _Sorry I was busy… why did you need to talk to me about Felix?_

I got a response almost immediately, I guess she wasn't joking about wanting to talk to me, but the message, made me feel even worse and more guilty than I did before, if that was even possible.

 _Something happened, I need you to come down to Italy, only for a week or so, Felix, is in the hospital, a lot of stuff happened. You two were so close, you guys know each other so well, even with what happened between you… please, fly down?_

I couldn't believe it, I haven't spoken to Felix in so long, yet I was the one Marzia wanted to fly down. I didn't know if I should be happy or cry for Felix, Felix used to be my best friend, and I also knew he was the luckiest guy around, the thought that something bad happened to him is astonishing to me. I placed my fingers on the keys, but for some reason I hesitated, wasn't this the opportunity I have been waiting for?

 _I'll come, I need to book a flight. I will talk to you later._

Then I turned off my computer and leaned back in my chair, today was a strange turn of events, this really wasn't what I was expecting. I smiled a little, this was a great chance to make amends, my smile quickly faded, and how could I smile if Felix was hurt, he was in the hospital for God's sake?!

I jumped from my chair and threw half my wardrobe into my suitcase, which was more then I needed. Running to the bathroom I swept the counter into my case then started pacing around the house trying to find think of what else I needed. Then my phone started going off, I stopped where I stood, paused like a movie. Slowly I pulled out my phone, it was a reminder that I need to upload a video, and I cursed to myself and muted the alarm, pulling up the internet I quickly ordered a seat on the next plane.

*time skip*

I just got off the plane, waiting in the pick-up lane I could see Marzia nervously shuffling her feet back and forth. I ran over to her, she heard my foot steps and looked up, faking a smile. I knew it was fake because she had a worried look in her eyes, hopefully not because of me.

"Oh Cry, I'm so happy you came so quickly, I really appreciate it, I'm sure Felix will to." She said, though we both knew that last part may not be true. I hurt Felix, and I bet he'll never forgive me.

"He doesn't know I'm here does he? I asked, I already knew the answer, and when she shook her head it was confirmed. She plastered on her smile again and motioned towards the car, when we got in we didn't talk, at all, the whole way there, until I finally had the courage to ask her the question of the night.

"What happened to him? All you said was that there was an accident."

Her face crumbled, eyes filled with tears. "He's in a coma."


	3. Chapter 3

Her face crumbled, eyes filled with tears. "He's in a coma."

My heart stopped, my breathing stop, all feeling in my body stopped, Felix, PewDiePie, the man everyone loves, is in a coma, she had to be lying ,this had to be a dream. There was no use deceiving myself I knew she wouldn't lie about something like that. Was this my fault? What if I hadn't abandoned him, we could have been recording or hanging out whenever this happened.

Suddenly the car stopped, I looked up from my lap at the hospital, a place I hated; they were always so creepy. When finally got out of the car, it took everything I had to calmly walk with Marzia, but I couldn't think straight, so many things rushed through my mind. What if he dies, what if he's like that forever, or even, what if he wakes up, how would he react to seeing me next to him, or what he wakes up the day after I leave.

Once we entered we walked for a while, passing room after room, after a while Marzia grabbed my arm, I hadn't realized I had gotten so ahead of her "This is his door." Her voice was shaky, almost as if she was on the verge of tears. I awkwardly stepped backwards so I was also in front of his door, she opened the door, and I couldn't help but gasp.

There he was, he didn't look as bad as I had imagined, it's like he was just sleeping, well, and I guess he was, just with a lot of tubes and machines around him. It was too peaceful, Felix was loud and happy, always jumping around, here he was, so calm, quite. My feet dragged as I walked over to him, my knees began to shake, and then they buckled, tears streamed down my face, Felix was my best friend, I always had cared for him, in fact I still do.

Marzia placed her hand on my shoulder, but I couldn't bring myself to face her, she sensed that and sat in a chair across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Felix's face I kept praying he'd just magically open his eyes, say this was all a prank, but that didn't happen. I held his hand and stared at his face, his beautiful face, the face that had always been so kind and happy, even when sad.

For hours we just sat there, I was hungry, I was thirsty, and I was sleepy, but I didn't want to leave his side, I wanted to be there for him, for all the times I wasn't, for all the times I ditched and abandoned him. Marzia left around midnight, she offered me a ride to a hotel, but I would rather stay by Felix's side. As time went by I slowly started to drift asleep, but I didn't want to leave his side, I didn't want to lose these moment with him, if they might be our last.

I pulled myself to the side of his bed, I think I was losing my mind, I swear I could hear his voice. "Hey Cry, been a while hasn't it?" I looked around the room, too tired to move quickly "Pewdie, is that you?" I could hear him chuckle "Maybe, Maybe not, but don't worry about it Cry. My question to you; why are you here?" My eyes widened, but I knew the answer "Because I care about your wellbeing, you're my friend." There was no response, I sighed leaning my head back.

"NO you don't Cry, you betrayed me." I heard his harsh scratchy voice, in almost a whisper. I jumped from where I was sitting. "That's true but… I… need you Felix, you're my bro!" I screamed, in no particular direction. "Ha, I wish that were true, but you're just a dirty traitor." Tears streamed down my face, my breathing became fast, but it felt like there was noting to breathe. "That's not true, Pewdie, please, you know me, you know how much I care."

I felt something on my shoulders, almost like hands, I assumed they were Felix's "Cry, leave, go be with your subscribers" The voice was different, it was kind, but it changed "After all, that's the reason why this is happening, it's YOUR FAULT!" he screamed. This time I wailed, there were no silent tears anymore "Please believe me, we are friends, I'm sorry, I mean it, can't you tell I mean it!?" The weight on my shoulders was lifted, but I felt something on my forehead, I suddenly felt drowsy, and irritated as if I were waking up. Then I heard a dark laugh, evil and angry, I couldn't believe that was still Felix.

I heard one last word before the lights disappeared "No."


	4. Chapter 4

"Cry, come on man, wake up." It was a dark heavy voice, I swear I've heard it before… then the voice started to shake me, I groaned and opened my eyes. I wasn't on the other side of the room like I thought I was after the Felix ghost, thing, appeared… I was still by Felix's side, somewhat in the position I was before I got onto the hospital bed, I guess it was a dream, more like a nightmare.

"Hey cry, you ok?" I looked up at the voice, I should have recognized it right away, and it was Ken, another friend I betrayed. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, we were so close, and I ditched them. I couldn't even speak to him, I just nodded my head looking down at the hideous green tiles.

What surprised me though, was that Ken just sat down next to me, putting an arm around me "Oh Cry, I know you feel bad, but… seriously, don't" He said, in such a sincere voice, I looked up at him with wide eyes. He just smiled and continued talking "You were having a nightmare, I came in to see you crying, holding Felix's hand screaming for him to forgive you." My face went red as quickly turned my head back down to the tiles. "He missed you Cry, more than anything."

Tears filled my eyes, which seemed to be happening a lot more recently. In a hush low whisper I said "Do you forgive me Ken?" there was a slight pause, but then he pulled me closer to him, letting out a low chuckle causing his chest to vibrate enough to where I could feel it. "Of course I forgive you, we've been through so much, there's no way I could hate you."

Ken suddenly stood up, holding out his hand to help me up "Felix would hate to wake up and see you all mopey dopey. Let's go get some milk shakes!" I was so surprised, Ken still wanted to be my friend after everything I've done to him. I laughed and grabbed his hand "Only if you let me pay!" he squeezed my hand "I wouldn't have it any other way." We laughed and left the hospital room, but something stopped me, I turned back around and looked at Felix. I felt Ken place his hand on my shoulder.

"He'll be fine Cry, trust me." I turned back to Ken, his big white smile made me feel a little better, I smiled and nodded "Let's just get some shakes." We laughed again and walked away. It had been a while since I felt this happy, and as we walked we talked as if nothing had ever changed. As if I never abandoned them, as if Felix was perfectly fine.

As we drank our milkshakes I had almost completely forgotten about the Felix-Ghost, we laughed and talked for literally hours, just like old times. "Hey Cry... Why is there a huge crack on your phone, is it recent?" I looked down at my phone, it was the crack from when I threw my phone. "Oh... I just dropped it on accident while running." He raised an eyebrow, it was terrible lie. "Since when did you start running?" I had to come up with something else "I don't I was running to catch a bus and it fell." That seemed to please him, we dropped the subject and began talking about other subjects. Then suddenly my phone started to go off, I was about to click decline, until I saw it was Marzia, I clicked answer and put it on speaker phone, that way Ken could hear this.

"Cry! Oh Cry! He's starting to somewhat wake up! He's talking, well… he's unconscious… still… but he's saying random stuff!" I never heard her so excited about him talking, a lot of the time she would get mad at him for talking too much, but the fact that he was waking up! My eyes glowed with happiness, but you couldn't really tell since I had my beautiful mask on, but I could still see his face.

He laughed, his smile a mile wide, I shot up from my seat and grabbed Ken's hand "Ken We have to be there! Come On!" I was more excited than I had ever been, Ken wasn't as happy though, he looked happy but he wasn't acting it. "Calm down Cry, you may not want to be there when and if he wakes up…" I was shocked, what was Ken saying? He looked down at the table "Cry… Felix never forgave you… and… I guess, I just…" My eyes began to water, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my grip weakened on Ken's hand, as I began to pull away, I just wanted to hide, but Ken's grip became firm as he looked back up at me with wide eyes, his face covered in crimson red.

"I really like you Cry, and I don't want to lose you to Felix!"


	5. Chapter 5

"I really like you Cry, and I don't want to lose you to Felix!"

I couldn't believe my ears, Ken, one of my best friends, confessing to me, but that wasn't the surprising part, the surprising thing was what he said about Felix. "Cry… I should have told you before we left… but… Felix hates you, he thought this was just a prank, but it's been two years, he gave up on you." Tears ran down my face, all my thoughts about him hating me were true.

I turned my body away, attempting to tear myself away from Ken, but he was bigger and stronger, he pulled me close, then lowered his voice into a whisper, a voice that usually comforted me. "Cry, I don't hate you, no matter how much Felix wanted me to, I… loved you too much, and I still do." Something within me was telling me to give in to his warmth, and I really wanted to, but I couldn't return these feelings, I just couldn't.

Slowly I pulled away, this was different then my forceful tactics before, he realized this and let go of me. "Ken… I came here to see Felix, I knew he hated me, I've known that for a while… I came because I wanted to apologize to him." He looked at me with sad eyes, he knew what I was getting at, he knew that I l- "But he hates you Cry!" He screamed interrupting my thought, tears filling in his eyes.

I couldn't believe this was the same person, that was always so strong, and so responsible, he was acting like a child who didn't get their way. "Ken, You have to let me try, I have to say how sorry I am, just let me do that, please." He looked down at the concrete and let out a heavy sigh. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." His voice was backed to its low soothing tone, I felt terrible, but what was I supposed to say?

We both silently walked back to the hospital, Ken wasn't smiling, in fact he looked more hurt then I've ever seen him. Me on the other hand, I was tempted to cry, after all it was what I called myself. Since I betrayed my friends my tears were all the company I had, but no one could see that. I always had my mask on, if I took it off you would see a red puffy soaked face, blue eyes irritated my all the salt, so irritated wearing my glasses didn't even help.

When we got back to the hospital Ken stopped walking, looking back down at his feet "I don't want to go in yet..." he mumbled I walked back over to him, grabbing his hand, I smiled even though he couldn't see it. "If I didn't have my mask on, I would kiss your cheek." I attempted to sound confident and joyful, I guess I did because he chuckled. Slowly he moved his hand up to my mask, I didn't even try to resist, even though I hated showing my face. When the mask was removed he didn't react like I thought he would. He didn't gasp or turn away, his eyes didn't widen either, he just acted like my face wasn't swollen, and he kissed my cheek, which was dried up with salt.

Just as slowly as he had taken it off he put my mask back on, he smiled and nodded towards the hospital. "Go on now, go see him." Tears came again, but these were different tears then what I usually cried, these were tears of happiness, tears from being accepted. I turned around about to take off, but right before I did he said one last thing "Cry, you have a beautiful face." I looked back at him, he truly was a great friend, and I did love him, just not in the way he loves me.

I began running up the stairs faster than I had ever done before, nurses screamed at me every so often, but I didn't care. When I had finally reached Felix's door I began to pant, I was sweaty and tired, I was most definitely out of shape. I reached for the door, resting my hand and the cold brass knob, I don't know what was stopping me. If Felix was awake, he wouldn't want to see me, Ken had said Felix hated me, what if that were true. I had to do this though, even if he does hate me, I want to say sorry, he didn't deserve that treatment, and if he doesn't accept it that's fine, I just need to let him know that he matters to me.

I opened the door, slowly but confidently, and what I saw filled me with joy. Felix was awake, laughing smiling, and alive, but that smile faded when he saw me. His eyes darkened, I could see he tightened his jaw. He glanced over at Marzia, who shuddered under his glare, nervously she twirled her hair. Looking down at the ugly tiles she said, in almost a whisper "Felix, Cry came t-" He snapped back, not even letting her finish her sentence. "I don't want to see him dammit!" He looked over to me eyes full of rage, for someone who just woke up he had a lot of energy.

In a way I had never heard spoken by him before "Get out of here Cry, you've caused enough trouble." And so I ran.


End file.
